did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
