Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
