I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This is the high leading the old right now
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
