Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
