She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
