Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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