my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
