yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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