i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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