You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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