I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
