Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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