idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
