i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
