dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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