meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
