..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
