Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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