my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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