he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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