well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
