ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
