This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
