i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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