he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
