so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
