youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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