WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
