Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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