i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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