well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
