Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize