woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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