a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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