i used baking grease as lip gloss
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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