Slut skills are useful in every country.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
