I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize