I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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