nut hugger
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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