During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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