Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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