btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
this will be a night to untag.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
