Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
