If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
