im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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