No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
