you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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