he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
