He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
