well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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