why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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