I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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