This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
