Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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