We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
