Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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