What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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