This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
