there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
