And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
