i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
