what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
