I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
