At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my being single is dangerous.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
