Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
